Posted By FarmerJ on September 26, 2010

By now, you all know the OSB Palace is a place of projects.  Last week, Darling Husbie and I completed yet another of those tasks which fell into the ‘Ya Know, That Really Bugs Me’ category.  Neither of us could stand the hideousness of the front porch overhang any longer ~ especially since the completion of the garage door frames.  True to form, we were spooled up and ready to undertake the task, or call the undertaker if the task did us in.  We don’t give in easily, though…and we never give up.

I knew my Darling Husbie would work so much happier with a tummy full of homemade Sausage, Egg and Cheese McMuffins and freshly brewed coffee for breakfast.  That was my first order of business.  Fortunately, I’d convinced sweet talked Husbie into going to town the night before to get all of our supplies.

Is this not the face of a happy man?  Yeah, not so much, eh?  It’s more like, “Wife, do you realize it’s 40 degrees and spittin’ rain out here?”  Yes, Lovie, but at least the wind is out of the north and we’re mostly sheltered from it.  Right?  I think he may have called the undertaker for me right then and there if he’d had an empty tummy!

Anyway, you can see why the overhang needed some attention.  The boards were splitting, the paint was peeling, and the underneath was completely unfinished.  Get a glimpse of the creative flair on the ends of that cross beam.  Gack! Darling Husbie’s first order of business was to remove the vinyl siding from the house where the new panels would be mounted.

This is what the underneath looked like if you dared look up while approaching the front door.  Just plain nasty, yes?  Those ‘dots’ you see are the nails poking through from the shingles being nailed down.  One of my tasks was to keep reminding Husbie not to climb up too high too fast on the ladder for fear of him jamming one of them into his cranium.  He’d come close a couple of times.  That would have really made him unhappy, and would have surely warranted a call to the undertaker!  Oy!

Here’s the view from directly in front of the overhang.  You can see more of that creative flair on the aforementioned cross beam.  Darling Husbie is preparing to install the new high pressure hose on the pressure washer.  Apparently, he didn’t have much confidence in my duct tape repair job on the old hose.  His second order of business was to blast all the chipping paint off the posts and beams so they would be dry when I was ready to paint.  Wasn’t that nice of Husbie to volunteer to do that task so I didn’t have to get cold and wet in the 40-degree weather and spitting rain?  [Mwah!  I love you, Darling Husbie!]  And, no, those posts and beams never did dry that day.

While Husbie was busy removing vinyl siding, getting soaked removing old paint, and measuring boards, I was warm and cozy toughing it out inside the garage painting the wainscoting before we placed it 12′ overhead, along with a new cross beam with a little less creative flair.  That’s pretty much how Day One concluded.

Days Two, Three and Four sort of blurred together.  Fortunately, the weather warmed and the rain stopped.  Unfortunately, the south winds made an appearance with 45 mph gusts.  That didn’t deter us, though.  We just tied a rope around the 12′ ladder and one of the posts to keep it from blowing over.  The 6′ ladder was much more stable and didn’t need any sort of reinforcement.  The paint kept getting blown off my brush and roller, though, so I think I used twice as much paint as I would have under normal conditions ~ but, then again, 45 mph wind gusts are pretty normal around here.

I’ll spare you many of the gory details about how one incredibly patient man and his weak, but determined, wife struggled persevered to get three heavy panels of wainscoting installed 12′ overhead, on a slope, on rickety ladders…and those delightful 45 mph gusts.  All I can say is ~ we don’t give in easily…and we never give up.

Something would be wrong if we ever completed a project on this ol’ barn house without the need to complete another project.  Because around here ~ say it with me ~ projects beget projects.  No, nothing was wrong.  Unless you count the fact that the spacing for the last piece of board on the right side of the overhang was 4 1/2″ narrower than the spacing on the left.  Uh, yeah.  The entire porch overhang was just a little off kilter.

So, the next order of business was to get it straight and level it out.  Husbie retrieved and put into service one of the jacks we’d used to help fix the sag in the ceiling downstairs / floor upstairs during the pantry project.  I’m seeing now that those jacks are coming in mighty handy around here!  We got the overhang supported with the jack, then Darling Husbie cut the nails from the offending post and beams, and then…

…he called in the big gun ~ a strap attached to the 1-ton dually.  Well.  The overhang was going to get leveled one way or another.  That much was clear!  The offending post was either going to move the required 4 1/2″, or the whole thing was coming down!  I tried to steer clear of it all, but no.  Husbie informed me I was to fulfill the role of Rosie Ratcheter and ratchet the strap when he told me to.  At least I had my safety glasses on.  With my most beloved’s patience, and our perseverance, we got it leveled and straightened to within 1/4″.  Good enough for amateurs.  [Note the leaning trees in the background.]

Day Four, and with much calmer winds, I was finally able to perform the final touch-ups and wrap this project up.  Both Husbie and I were ready for it to be finished.  [He, because there was now a Nascar race to be watched and Okra Stew to be eaten ~ me, because my mind was already trying to figure out how I was going to convince sweet talk Husbie into starting on the next project!]

And, here it is in all its glory!  The splitting posts have been mended.  The chipping paint has been removed.  It’s been straightened and leveled and it no longer looks like the overhang was installed by someone with a hangover.  Birds no longer have a place to build nests and ‘make deposits’ at the front door.  It’s all crisp and white.  Really clean, pretty white.

It’s still not perfect.  We look at it and see little imperfections here and there ~ but at least we can stand to look at it now!  And, in my eyes, it’s beautiful.  ♥

Categories: OSB Palace Projects
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